mysteriousgal11: (YamaJima hug~)
[personal profile] mysteriousgal11
Title: I'm Always Here [Oneshot]
Author: [info]mysteriousgal11
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: YamaJima
Genre: Angst
Summary: Yuto's always there beside Yamada, loving him and cherishing him. A story from Yuto's point of view. A proper answer from Yamada's POV story, You're Always There.

I’m Always Here

Yuto’s POV

The first time I saw him, I know I want to spend my whole life with him. His smiles, though they’re quite forced and insincere, they brought sparks to me. I watched him from a far, admiring him, helping him secretly when he needs it. As I observe his daily life, I learned everything about him and I feel sad, he’s a lonely human being. Someone like him doesn’t deserve this kind of loneliness. People always leave him alone and every time he watches the back of those people, the tears falling from his beautiful eyes makes my heart ache. I never fell in love before, but when I consulted my friend about this feelings I feel, he said I’m in love. I think what he told me is true. I fell in love with the Yamada Ryosuke, I fell in love to his smiles and at the same time tears, I must confess my feelings to him.

I approached him in a very simple way, gave him a flower, and confessed my feelings. He immediately replied and he said yes to me. It’s quite funny though because he doesn’t even know my name, I’m a complete stranger to him but he still accepted me as his boyfriend. Maybe that’s how lonely he is, he’s willing to accept anyone in his life just for him not to be alone. As I realized that, I made a promise to myself, I’ll never ever leave him alone. I’ll stay by his side until the end of time. I’ll protect and cherish him even if he pushes me away. I’ll love him forever.

I smiled at him and answered every question he asked as I walked him to his house. When he’s already at the gate he asked me why I love him. I said ‘It’s your smile. I fell in love with you because of your smile. They’re force but I want to be the reason for you to smile sincerely.’ He gave me a quick peck after that, asking me to go home so he could watch my back. I shook my head, I told him that I want to be sure that he’s safe. He nodded and walked in, but then he peeked at me, I tilted my head asking if he needs anything. He made a sign for me to come to him and when I did, he asked me a very unexpected question. ‘Will you stay with me in this house?’ Of course I answered yes even though I know he asked all his partners with that kind of question. He’s not used to be alone after all. He said that I can get my things tomorrow and we can spend the night together today. I think he’s testing me, testing me if I can resist him. When we’re already in his bedroom, he started seducing me, using his tempting lips and amazing body, but I never responded to any seduction he’s doing. I gently pushed him down the bed and hugged him from the back. ‘You don’t need to test me. I don’t love you because I want to own your body. I love you because I want to make you happy.’ That’s what I told him. He snuggled to my embrace and he replied. ‘I’m used with people living me, I don’t really trust anyone. I know one day you’ll also leave me alone.’ The tone he used made me sad. I tightened my hug and whispered onto his ears. ‘I don’t know what will happen in the future, but Ryosuke, I promise you, I will never leave you alone.’ After that, he gave me a long kiss, a seal and then we fell asleep.

Every day I serve him for day and night, I always make sure that he’ll feel loved and not alone. It’s fine with me when I heard him dating some guys, it’s only a fling he’ll still come home to me. It’s fine even if he’s home totally drank and wasted. It’s fine if he ignores me as long as I can serve him, just to see him smile. I want him to throw away that fake smile of him, I want to see his real smile. A smile full of emotion, a smile that will make me satisfied. Day by day, I can gradually feel my body weakens, I once experienced too much pain when I’m in my class and they’re all forced to rushed me to the clinic. The doctor observes me with a frown and she recommended me to undergo some check up in the hospital. I was transferred that day in our university’s hospital, under her care. After some time, she called me in her office and she explained it to me, advance stage of colon cancer. I was flabbergasted, what is she saying? She’s kidding right? But then she can’t lie to me. I asked her what I should do, she shakes his head slowly while looking at me with pity, a look that I hate from others, ‘Usually colon cancer shows symptoms during the advance stages. Unfortunately because of that, it’s already too late to find a cure.’ ‘How many years?’ ‘Most probably 2-3 months, I’m really sorry Nakajima-kun.’ Can you believe it? All my life I’m healthy but why? Why me? I can’t leave Ryosuke alone, he’ll be sad.

After the check up, I went back to the university and dropped all my subjects. I only have so little time to be with Ryosuke and I’ll use that to be with him, to serve him. I told my parents and brother about my sickness, they’re sad but they said that I should use my remaining days very well, they’re supporting my selfish decision to stay beside Ryosuke. I’m thankful to them, my family that’s always been there for me.

I don’t have a heart to tell my sickness to Ryosuke, I know that even if he’s not saying it, he’s grateful that I’m at his side. He’s mad when I said I dropped, but I said I just want to serve him. ‘I’m not worth it Yuto, sooner or later you’ll see it.’ ‘You’re worth everything Ryosuke’ and after I said that he left me. One evening he went home, drank and got bruised all over his body. I’m so worried about him that I carried him to our living room and immediately get some basin with water and some pineapple juice to ease his feelings. I supported him to sit on the couch so that he could drink his juice but he throw up at me. It’s alright to me, I’m more concern to him than to my shirt. I stay all night watching him, I want to make sure he’s safe. His angelic sleeping face is one of the wonders that this world produced. I can spend all day watching his face.

Ever since that day he prefers staying home, he said that he doesn’t want to see those bitch friends of his. I also don’t like them, they just used my Ryosuke. Because he’s always at home, he noticed my frequent visit to the doctor, of course he doesn’t know about it, but he’s getting suspicious to me. Until one day after I got home from the hospital, he approached me, anger visible on his face, he’s accusing me that I’m cheating, I just let him I can’t reveal the truth to him. He’s cursing me, telling me to just go away, I can feel the world spinning, my stomach aching, no that today, I can’t let Ryosuke know this! After that I turned and think to walk away. Ryosuke still continues to curse me, I rushed to the front door but suddenly the world blackens.

I woke up seeing white surrounds me and a worried face from Ryosuke, the thing that I don’t want to happened, he knows it already. I showed him my frowning face, an emotion that I don’t want him to see, I pushed him away, telling him that I don’t need his pity. He told me the thing that I’m longing to hear. ‘This is not pity Yuto, I love you so much” I ignore him, I know he’s only pitying me. Inoo-sensei, my doctor asked me what I want to do. I looked around, I don’t want to be imprisoned in this place, this will only make me weak. I focused my attention to Ryosuke, he’s staring at his feet, I wonder what he’s thinking. I told Inoo-sensei  that I want to stay at home, I said I don’t want to die here. She understands me and then she left to fix my release papers. I saw Ryosuke went out of the room while I was dressing up to my regular clothes. I followed him and saw him at the exit door. He’s crying, I don’t want to see his crying face, I always promise myself that I’ll make him happy. I hugged him tight, he turned around and buried his face on my chest and he hugged me on my waist. I told him in my hoarse voice, ‘I don’t want you to be sad, I always love the smiling Ryosuke.” I tilt his chin and I smiled to him and tell him what’s my mind and heart is asking me to say to him. ‘Ryosuke, can you spend the last days of my life beside with me? I want to see the smiling you right beside me.’ He nodded and I gave him a kiss full of my love for him and he replied my kiss with the same feelings.

After that he started to open up to me, showing his love to me publicly. I’m so happy, happy that finally I can see Ryosuke’s real smile, he said I’m the reason that’s why he’s smiling like this. We spend every day together, doing everything with each other, it’s a bliss for me. One day while I was lying on our bed, he approached me and told me to make love with him. At first I refused, doubting if he’s ready, then he told me. ‘I’m willing to give my everything to you Yuto. I love you so much, please make love to me.” And with this, I didn’t reject him. We made love to the fullest, he’s precious to me that’s why I treated him like a precious porcelain that may break anytime and he keeps on saying how he loves me.

I know I’m getting worst and somewhat I feel useless, my symptoms worsened. I puke blood, clutches my stomach and then worst case scenario I faint. I know I need to be strong and that’s what I do, I’m still Ryosuke’s support and if I fall, he will also. I always see him crying, but I hold his hands tightly telling him to smile because his smile can ease my pain.

It’s almost a month and I can feel my body weakens, as if my insides are one by one refusing to work anymore. I can’t stand up on my own and my body is refusing to take any food. I’m useless and then as I look up my sight got blurred.  I can feel it, I can feel my life slowly fading away, I look at the window and saw the sunny weather, I called Ryosuke with the voice that I can manage to come out from my throat. He smiled and sits beside me. I hold his hand and look to his eyes lovingly. I asked him if we can go out for a date at the park today, of course he refused. I told him, ‘I just want to take you out in a date for the very last time.’ He whacked my head gently as tears flow out from his eyes, he said I shouldn’t say that but I just smiled at him. He contemplated for a while and he nodded, after that he went out to prepare the things we needed.  I watched his back because it can be the last time that I can do it. After his preparation, he helped me to clean up and change, I feel sorry for him because he needs to take care of someone like me, I said I should be the one to take care of him. He said it’s okay, that it’s his pleasure to do it. He’s on his way to get the car keys, but I stopped him, if this is really my last day I want to walk with him, even if I’m weak, I’ll gather all my left energy just to do that with him. As we left our flat, I can feel the spring breeze, I entwined our fingers and then he smiled, I’m happy every time he smiles for me. I tighten my grip to his hand, remembering its structure and softness. The hands that I love to hold and kiss. How much I want to hold this forever, to walk with him while our hands are entwined.

As we walk I often coughed, I can feel my stomach hurting a lot, I choose to ignore it. Please God, just a little more time, I want to make Ryosuke happy please. That’s what I thought while we’re walking. When we reached the park, we spotted a place under a big cherry tree. We placed our things there and we sat, he’s leaning on me, we chatted, tell stories about the future. I know I don’t have a future, but still he have. I want to hear what his plans are. I feel happy but I’m part of it, but at the same time sorry because I can’t be with him. I gave him a passionate kiss, I think it will be our last kiss. The pain in me worsened, I try to hide it from him, try to suppress it, I succeeded for a few hours but again it came and then I pushed him away as I coughed and puked blood. The pain in my stomach hurts a lot, it’s like there’s a bomb inside me. My sight is blurry, everything is so blurry. I can feel being lifted and put inside the car, when I somehow regained some consciousness I can see Ryosuke’s crying face. He’s holding my hands tightly, whispering how much he loves me. It hurts a lot to see him like this, it hurts more than the pain I’m feeling inside me, the pain of dying. I want to reply with his I love yous, but I can’t. I’m too tired, too tired to even open my eyes, but I need to. I need to say this to him, with my ragged breath, I look at him and say. ‘I love you Ryosuke.’ After that my world is blurry again.

My head is spinning, I think I was rushed inside the emergency room. I can see doctors and nurses rushing everywhere, panicking. My eyes, they’re closing now, my breath is being taken away from me. I’m too tired to fight already, too defeated. I faced my side and in my blurry sight I saw at the small window Ryosuke’s face. I don’t like seeing his face like that, I want to see his smile for the very last time. He noticed me looking at him. As I feel my world slowly ending, I gave him a smile, even if my I’m wearing an oxygen mask, I know he’ll see me smiling. He smiled back at me and that’s the last thing I saw as I enter the eternal sleep.

Maybe you’re all wondering where am I now? I’m now here watching Ryosuke as I flapped my wings. I’m watching over him and our baby. He’s always crying and I’m sad I can’t tell him that he doesn’t need to be sad because I’m here, that I never leave him. He’s staring at our son waiting for him to wake up. The moment our son woke up, he smiles to Ryosuke and Ryosuke smiled back. I smiled as Ryosuke carried our baby and cuddled him. They went in the veranda and Ryosuke stare out in the garden. I’m happy that he’ll not be alone now. I fulfill my promise that he’ll never be alone. I hugged him, I know he can feel me. He smiled and motion like he’s leaning to me.

I’m always here Ryosuke…I never left you alone…I love you too…


A/N: Yuto’s POV finished J I’m supposed to be resting now because I’m sick again -___- but I just want to post this J
Forgive my grammatical errors, Typed it in one go without even reading it back.
Gonna update tomorrow for Bakaki’s birthday! YAY!
P,S, This is longer than Yamada's POV XDD

Date: 2013-03-25 04:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
*breathes heavily*
ah~the pain... T__T

It hurts more that it's Yuto's POV but uh...
this made my night. truly.

thank you for this~/sulk somewhere/

Date: 2013-03-26 12:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
o3o I can't feel the pain LOL~

You really love angst ne? *^*

Don't sulkkkkkk~

Thank you for reading and commenting~

Date: 2013-03-26 03:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
T___T the angst...but glad that Yuto is still there to watch over them *cries again*

Date: 2013-03-26 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Angst is love~ hihihihihi~
*hands tissue to you*

Thank you for reading and commenting~
(deleted comment)

Date: 2013-03-26 02:15 pm (UTC)

Date: 2013-03-26 03:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This makes me cry more. I wonder if there is a great guy like Yuto here. Oawhhh oawhhh *cry-ingg*
Thanks u after all. Hope u will write yamajima ff more. ^^

Date: 2013-03-27 02:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Awww~ don't cry hee hee~
Good guy like him? I think there is, but really rare

It depends though~ because I'm a shipper of all the pairing XDD

Thank you for reading and commenting~


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