Summary: It hurts to see someone you love, love someone else.
JUST A FAN
Staring at Keito became a habit of mine, I like seeing his different expressions. I like how he smile every time Yuto or Hikaru are pestering him to play with them, also his irritated face when he can’t get the footsteps of our new dance or he’s having difficulties with his assignments, and lastly what I like the most is his laugh, it’s so addicting to hear.
I still remember when I first saw him. It was during his first on stage performance in Shounen Club, I saw how he panics because he’ll be singing with Yabu-kun and Hikaru-kun. I went to him and pat his shoulder, he looks at me with those innocent eyes. I felt my heart throb faster, but I need to comfort him like a good sempai. I said, “Cheer up! You will do great.” He gave me a pure smile, a smile that will make others fall for him. “Arigatou gozaimasu sempai.” And since then it’s the start of our friendship.
I saw how he grows up because we’ve been put together in the same group. I’m so happy that finally I can be together with him, but he started to drift away from me because he always hanged out with Yuto and the other members of 7. One time, I’m so lonely and I ignore Keito, I know he realized what I’m doing because later that day he approached me asking me what’s wrong.
“It is nothing, I’m just tired” I answered him.
“Dai-chan I know you, even if you’re tired you will never frown like that.” He holds my hand, comforting me. I sighed, “It’s Yuto”
“What’s wrong? Did he do something bad to you?” He asked in a worried look.
I shook my head. I don’t want him to misunderstand things.
“Then what?” He frowned.
I can’t really hide anything to him, “It’s because you started to hang out with him more! Before, I’m always the one you’re together with, but now you started to ignore my invitations.”
Keito chuckled which made me irritated.
“Why are you laughing?” I pouted and crossed my arms.
“You’re so cute Dai-chan!” He patted my head. Oh damn why do he need to be taller than me.
“I’m sorry if I’ve been ignoring you okay? Just that I also need to hang out with others because they’re also my friends. Don’t worry I’m not forgetting you, I promise I will hang out with you. Come on, I’ll walk you home.” He put his arms on my shoulder and with that I became happy again.
But then, Keito never fulfill his promise.
As days goes by I can see how Keito changes his attitude towards me. Every time I will ask if we could hang out, Keito just apologize and left me, until one day….
“DAI-CHANNNN!!!” Keito suddenly glomped me.
“What’s wrong Keito?” I asked while looking at him.
“I already have a girlfriend!!” He said to me happily.
I frowned, “What did you say?”
Keito went infront of me and he holds my shoulder. “I said I already have a girlfriend.”
“Eh? How come?” I asked in confusion, I never knew that Keito likes someone already. I can feel my heart shouting in pain.
“I’ve been dating this girl for quite a while, I really like her!” Keito is grinning.
Trying to control my tears, I gave him a blank smile. “Omedetou…”
“Thank you Dai-chan!” Keito looked at his watch, “A yabaii! I’m late with my date already! See you tomorrow Dai-chan!” Keito patted my head and ran away.
I watched his figure slowly fading away as my tears starts to pour down like rain on my face. Why do I need to love someone who’s impossible for me? Why do I need to love my best friend?
Trying my best to walk, I reached my house and I suddenly plopped on the ground, crying like a helpless child.
Days passed by after the incident and I never talked to Keito like how I did before. Every time he talks to me, I just answered him with the necessary answer that he needs.
He talked to me once, asking me what’s wrong.
“There’s nothing wrong, I’m completely fine.”
He touched my face and I slightly stumbled on the wall at my back.
“You won’t act like this if there’s nothing wrong. Tell me, is someone giving you a hard time? I will talk to that person. I don’t want my best friend to act like this.”
‘Best Friend’ That’s right I’m only his best friend. “I told you there’s nothing wrong! Why do you care?!” I snapped at him.
“Because you’re a special person to me Dai-chan, I want you to be always happy.” Keito said to me in his concerned voice. I ignored what he said and left him. I thought he will follow me, but he didn’t. How can I be special if he always let me walk away? Erasing my thoughts I rushed to my drama taping.
My relationship with Keito didn’t improve since then. Yes, we remain friends but there’s a limit to that. Even though I want to talk to him, hug him or just simple be by his side, I can’t.
His relationship with his girlfriend grew stronger. It irritates me that the girl always visits us in the set and I need to act kind in front of her. It’s hard, but I need to support Keito.
During the first year of their relationship, I always end up crying at night thinking why she’s the person Keito loved and not me.
I’m always by his side before he even met that girl. I cursed my gender, but maybe if I born to be a girl, I wouldn’t meet Keito.
Seconds turns into Minutes, Minutes into Hours, Hours into Days, Days into Weeks, Weeks in Months and Months into Years.
It’s been 5 years and Keito is still with his girlfriend. I never imagined them to be together this long. But one day, on my way to the rooftop to have some time alone, I saw Keito. I got curious, Keito never liked high places, why is he here?
“Keito” I called his name softly. He didn’t look at me but he raised his two fingers, forming a peace sign. I walked closer to him, “What are you doing here? I thought you don’t like high places?” I gave a soft pat on his shoulder and then he suddenly hugged me really tightly. I heard his painful sob and I can’t help it but hug him back, caressing his back. With his actions I already know what happened. Even though we’re not close anymore unlike before I can still know what’s going on with him. I know that him and her girlfriend are already in the verge of breaking up, and now they already did.
“Da-Dai-chan..I..” Keito sobbed.
“Shhh, I know, I know…” I comfort him, giving my very best so that he can relax.
After he cried, he told me the story. He told me that he and she are always arguing with things. She’s blaming him because he don’t have any time for her and some worthless shit of them. It pained me to see Keito sad, but being the one to comfort him makes me happy.
“Thank you Dai-chan. You’re the only one I can rely on.” Keito said and he gave me a pecked on my forehead. I blushed with this action and looks away.
“You didn’t answer my question earlier, why are you here?” I pouted.
“Because I know I can find you here.” He smiled and holds my hand.
After that, we became close again. I’m so happy that the old us is back. I may sound selfish but it’s good that Keito and her broke up. This time, even if Keito hanged out with some of his friends he always makes sure that he will still spend time with me. Keito makes me feel special, we always ended up sleeping late because we always talk till morning on the phone. I don’t care though, as long as it’s Keito.
One day while we’re eating at our favorite restaurant, he opened up a topic that I don’t like to hear.
“Dai-chan , I think I like someone.”
I lose my grip on my chopsticks, but composing myself, I looked at him. “Do I know this lucky person that my best friend likes?”
He gave a smile, somewhat relieved. “I don’t know but I meet her at Kamiki-kun’s party last month. She’s Arimura Kasumi.”
Ah, She’s the girl that Yama-chan told me who likes Keito. Another heartache huh? I
I pouted my lips, “Mou~ you meet him one month ago and you just told me now! What kind of best friend are you?”
He chuckled, “Well, I started meeting her privately two weeks ago and I think I really like her. Do you think I should ask her to be my girlfriend?”
“If you really like her then you should, I’ll always support you with your decision.” I gave him a grin, a fake grin that I practiced.
“Thank you Dai-chan! You’re the best best friend I have! Now order more and I will pay everything!”
“If you say so! Don’t regret what you said!” I giggled.
A week after that, during our rehearsal for Johnny’s World while I was eating my favorite Pocky, Keito poked my cheeks.
“You’re getting chubby Dai-chan”
“Mou~ I know!” I said, still munching my pocky.
“Dai-chan I have a good news to you.” He sit in front of me. “Kasumi-chan is already my girlfriend.”
I turned around, pretending to reach for my other box of Pocky, I closed my eyes tightly. Be happy for him Daiki! I chanted this for a few seconds and looks at Keito again with a smile etch on my face. “Good for you!”
Keito frowned, “Why are you crying?”
“Crying? I’m not cry---” Suddenly a wet thing pours down to my hand.
“Dai-chan?” Keito wiped the tears that are pouring down from my eyes.
“I-I’m okay…just that…” I sobbed, “can y-you leave me alone f-for a while?”
Keito hesitate but he still followed what I want.
“Just call me if you need me.”
I nodded, but deep inside me I know I need Keito. I need him to love me. I didn’t know that my feelings for him are still growing inside this stupid heart of mine. I hate why up until now I still love him. I need to settle my feelings, I looked at myself at the mirror, a crying sad face of mine is showing.
This will be the last time that I will cry, I promise that I will never cry anymore. I will only smile and support you. I will keep this love of mine here deep inside me…
I stood up from my chair and went out with a determine face. I hugged Keito and congratulate him but unlike before, this time I won’t cry.
Just like before, like how days turned into months a lot of things happened.
Keito introducing her girlfriend to us, even to Johnny-san. We’re all approved of their relationship. We’re happy for him.
I can see how much Keito loves Kasumi. It’s visible with his smile, the smile of happiness and contentment.
Every time I see them kiss, I can still the pain inside my heart. The pain of denial that I’m okay, that I won’t cry.
More months passed by and Keito’s relationship to Kasumi had been leaked to the media. I saw how Keito panicked, but he still comforted Kasumi and their relationship still continues.
Up until now I never told Keito my feelings to him. Maybe I’m afraid that he will hate me, we have the same gender.
Looking at how perfect Keito and Kasumi are, it makes my heart throb.
Just like how fans are, I can only adore him secretly, I can only show my feelings to him secretly and I can only love him secretly.
Just like the love of fans to their idols, it will only be one sided and can’t never be returned.
I’m just your fan Keito and I know you will never know my feelings to you.
But even if I deny all my feelings there’s one thing that will never change.
“It hurts to see someone you love, love someone else.”
A sudden touched on my hand makes me lose my trance to Keito. I looked at the hands that are wrapping mine’s. I smiled at him and leaned on his chest.
“Anytime Daiki, anytime.”
Because even if the one you love doesn’t love you, there’ll be someone who will be destined for you.
A/N: YO! LONG TIME NO SEE! IT’S BEEN A WHILE NE~ I’VE BEEN DEPRESSED A LOT BECAUSE ALL THE FILES IN MY NIP NIP [EXTERNAL HARDRIVE] GOT DELETED AND THAT INCLUDES ALL MY FANFICS. TT_TT That’s why I didn’t update, my friend told me I should rest first and write again if I’m already ready. And now I am, I will try my very best to rewrite the fanfics I should’ve updated long ago ^_^ I can’t believe I finished this! OkaDai! Requested by Guitarista Keito, the roleplayer is a good friend of mine. This is my payment for all my whining to her~ LOL It might kinda be boring so I’m sorry~ >___< BUT! This might contained some of the truth behind KEITO LOL. And TaDaiki at the endddd~ Yayyyy~ <3 Edfghauswrkdefhjcnkasdjgfjfc8huisdjcxgyudscnx *throws myself out* Bye Bye! Comments are well appreciated! I love it!
P.S. Forgive my grammatical errors. I didn’t re-read it after typing it. Lazy~ LOL XDD